"What is essential in war is victory, not prolonged operations." - Sun TzuChapter 2: Bullshit Bunch
I awoke this morning, killed a Pidgey for breakfast, and set off. The first thing I did was walk to the West of Viridian City, which led me to 'Route 22'. I
wanted to wade into the grass and see if it the route had anything good to offer me, but I decided against it; rather not kill my only companion this early. So instead of doing that, I walked back into the town and began moving North instead. This led me to an elder, and the conversation went as such:
Elder: Well, now, I've had my coffee, and that's what I need to get going!
Me: I am Ash.
Elder: Hm? What's that red box you have?
Me: It is a useless contraption that records information I already understand.
Elder: Ah, so you're working on your POKEDEX.
Me: I am not.
Elder: Then let me give you a word of advice.
Me: I require no assistance.
Elder: Whenever you catch a POKEMON, the POKEDEX automatically updates it's data.
Me: This information is completely worthless to me.
Elder: ...You don't know how to catch a POKEMON?
Me: I am completely aware of how to catch pokemon. I never once mentioned an inability to press a button and throw a ball. If anything, I should be the one to doubt
your ability to do such a task, considering that you seem to be unable to comprehend anything I have said.
Elder: I suppose I had better show you then!
The Elder proceeded to take out a Weedle from... I'm not sure where, and show me exactly where the Pokeball compartment of my backpack was, before catching the Weedle. How he managed this at full health I'm not quite sure. I guess he's just lucky.
Elder: There! Now tell me, that was educational, was it not?
Me: I choose the latter option.
Elder: And here, take this too.
The elder handed me a miniature version of the big screened thingy that was in Ash's room. It had the label 'Teachy TV' on it. I put it in the biggest compartment of my bag, intent on smashing it later.
Elder: If there's something you don't understand, watch that.
Me: I do not understand how one human can be so inept. Will it explain that?
Elder: It will teach you the basics of becoming a POKEMON TRAINER.
Me: Why would I need to learn the basics if I have proven my ability to have a Pokemon in my possession and NOT hurt it in some way?
Elder: ...
Me: ...
Elder: ... Wanna see where I hid the Weedle?
I walked away after the ordeal. I'm completely convinced; every single civil is completely inept. If this is their 'wise elders', then the young ones must be much, MUCH worse.
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RED's POKELOG
3/21/14
8:46 PM
If the start of this journey is any sign, this entire journey is going to suck.
Majorly.
So no, none of the team has died. In fact, if you're going by lives I currently have, then I'm technically better off now than I was before; I have three pokemon in my team instead of one.
The PROBLEM comes in the fact that the two pokemon that tradition allows me to obtain have been the two crap ones.
Okay, so, Route 2. What does Route 2 have that I've been able to find? Ratatas (Which are useless but delicious), and Pidgeys (Which are actually pretty useful, and also delicious). Obviously, since the next area I would be going would be the Viridian Forest, I would want to obtain a Pidgey.
Of course, tradition states that the first Pokemon you find on the Route is the Route's first impression on you, and thus it is the only Pokemon you may catch. I can understand the logic; first impressions are everything. Civils put a first impression on me of being stupid, violent, and ignorant, and two of those have been proven so far. So I was ready for Route 2 to throw me a PidgeYou know the twist already it gave me a fucking Ratata.
So Viridian Forest! What does IT have that I've found so far? Caterpies and Weedles. One of these evolves into a beautiful butterfly that was popular with the women of the tribe, the other evolves into a BADASS MOTHERFUCKING POISON/BUG POKEMON THAT HAS NEEDLES FOR HANDS. Obviously I want the latter.
You can guess which one I was thrown first.
So the team is now Market, the Bulbasuar, Pain Train, the Ratata (I named him that because the badass name on the useless pokemon is funny to me shut up), and Direct Hit, the Caterpie. Spent the day training them all up. You know, I'm happy that tradition doesn't state anything about using Antidotes in battle, because if they had outlawed that outside of battle Pain Train would be dead. Weedles suck when you're not using them.
We're all camping out in the Viridian Forest right now. I'm eating some cooked Weedle (I learned how to extract the poison as a child), Ratata's eating whatever I don't eat, Caterpie's munching on some leaves, and Bulbasuar's eating the rest of the Trader's food. I WANTED to eat a Caterpie, but that doesn't feel right with a Caterpie in the bunch (which I have now dubbed the Bullshit Bunch because the fact that I didn't get the good Pokemon is complete bullshit).
You know, the fire's reminding me of my tribe. We'd all huddle around the fire and sleep as a group. It was nice.
I miss them. But this is necessary.
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RED's POKELOG
3/22/14
1:07 AM
I just spent the last half-hour throwing up.
I fucking hate Weedles.