The Art of Pokemon (Sun Tzu Nuzlocke)

[JackMcDack]

(Alright, fine, I'll actually do it this time.

So yeah, welcome to my actual Nuzlocke. This is gonna be a text-only Nuzlocke with a focus on story so be ready to read. I made up these rules as a joke, so this is gonna be a HUGE pain in the ass, but hey, it's gonna be fun, right?

The rules, if you forgot, are as follows;

THE SUN TZU NUZLOCKE
Created by Galen

-The first pokemon on any route is the only one to be catched. They are tributes by the route and we shall not deny them.
-No healing at any Pokecenter. These facilities completely diminish what true strength is.
-Any fainted pokemon is considered dead and cannot be revived. War is hell.
-Any fainted pokemon in the party is a fallen brother, and must be carried with the party. Live pokemon can be boxed and replaced at any time. HMs can still be used from a fainted pokemon, as their spirit still watches over and grants us favors for honoring their memory.
-I cannot heal any pokemon until they are at Red. Through our suffering, we gain strength.
-I cannot heal a pokemon outside of battle - only inside. Battlegrounds are sacred grounds, and healing is a sacred practice.
-PP CAN NOT be restored. The enemy observes our tactics often, so we must never over-use any move they could learn.
-If a Pokemon levels up and gains a move, it MUST learn it. What we learn through battle is knowledge we must never ignore.
-A Pokemon CAN NOT learn TMs (HMs are fine). These 'teaching mechanisms' are false prophets created by our enemies to trick us.)

PROLOGUE

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight, even though the ruler forbid it." - Sun Tzu

The Helixistic people were a good people.

Though we were always looked down upon, we were a civilized race. We congregated as civil folk. We ate as civil folk. We bathed as civil folk. We slept as civil folk. Though those who considered themselves 'better' than us would talk of us in the same manner one would talk of Zubats in a cave, we saw them as equal to us. We were, after all, similar; we both partook in pleasures as simple as nature or making love, we both occasionally fought over trivial things, we both had those who had Pokemon as friends and those who used Pokemon as tools. We could have coexisted.

But no, that was not in our stars.

There was a war. A large war that raged on for years. All of the men of age in our tribe left for battle, the women and children wishing them off. I wasn't even born when my father left for battle. According to tales passed down from my mother, the battle was brutal; man and pokemon alike were slaughtered, and in the end, the civil folk were the victors. Everyone in our tribe was to disappear, leave into the woods and never return.

That was ten years ago. Since then, our tribe has gotten more and more scarce. We're dying off; too many people, not enough food, little men to repopulate. Everything we have tried to bounce back has failed. We pray daily and nightly and we try and try and nothing ever happens and no one knows why.

Except me.

I finally understand what the problem is; we have become soft. No longer are we the great fighting power that we once were; no, when the men who went to war died, our drive to battle died along with it. We will not even kill the abundant supply of Magikarp we have caught for food. I have brought up the idea of attempting to take back our land, and I always get the same reply; 'you're too young to do anything. Our best bet is to lay low until we grow in population.'

I grow tired of this. I have taken action.

I surveyed the 'Town of Pallet', as the civils call it, for quite some time now. There is a boy who looks exactly like me, possibly my same age, who talks constantly about his 'pokemon journey' and how he's going to 'be the best' and 'catch them all'. He speaks of 'gym leaders' and the 'elite four' and how whoever defeats these people in pokemon battle shall become a 'pokemon master'. This sounds like a position of power, as if I could command any and all pokemon to my whim. This could be vital to my cause.

Taking him in the middle of the night was not hard. He bled only slightly on his resting wear, which was easily washed off. It was quite fitting that he would be wearing his resting wear at the time of death; he shall wake no more now. The clothes were a little loose on me, but not enough to be noticeable. I slipped back into his resting coccoon and closed my eyes.

My name is Red. And for the sake of my people, I shall become this Master of Pokemon.

[JackMcDack]

"Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him." - Sun Tzu

Chapter 1: Abnormal Appearance Adjustments

Civils' morning rituals are strange to me.

Helixistic morning rituals go as follows; wake up when your body deems itself ready for the world, bathe with the tribe, train for a while to keep yourself ready for battle.

Civils don't seem to have step 1 down. My slumber was interrupted by a loud device that only quieted down after repeated throws at the nearby wall. The only lake nearby was too steep to be able to safely wade into, so I simply trained for a while before getting dressed in the boy's clothes and walking into the congregation room. I was greeted by who I could only assume was the boy's mother, and the conversation went as such:

Mother: Ash?
Me: Yes, I am Ash.
Mother: What was that noise I heard in the room?
Me: ...
Mother: ...
Me: ...I am Ash.
Mother: Oh, you must've fallen out of bed again...
Me: Where is the bathing area?
Mother: Bathroom's right over there.
Me: Thank you, Mother Ash.
Mother: Mm-hmm...

The room she had pointed me towards was small and cramped. At first I believed she was referring to the waste receptical I had seen in civils' houses before, but even civils aren't that disgusting. No, she was actually gesturing towards the other machine which I didn't know the name for. I had seen it before and managed to work it easily. The experience was comperable to attempting to cut your way out of a Gyarados' stomach; unpleasant, way too hot, liquid constantly in my face, and overall not a thing I would like to repeat.

---

I left the shelter and immediately began to walk towards the exit of the town. I didn't manage to make it to the tall grass without an elder in a white cloak telling me it was dangerous to go into the grass alone. I wanted to argue with the man, but before I could he led me to a large shelter that housed complex-looking mechanisms that I couldn't comprehend. It was here that I met the man's double-son, who he referred to as "Gary". The double-son went precisely one half of a sentence into his first impression on me before I wished I had slit HIS throat instead. I tuned the two of them out for some time and focused on planning exactly how I would escape from this situation.

That is, until the elder spoke to me and told me to choose a Pokemon, gesturing towards a table that held three pokeballs.

I believe that your first instinct is always best, unless it is not. So when my first instinct was to grab the Pokeball closest to me and run, I did so, much to the surprise of everyone present. Before I could make it to the door, however, Gary grabbed my shoulder to stop me (He's fast and unpredictable, I'll give him that) and insisted that I battle him.

After finding a towel to catch the blood dripping from his now broken nose, he specified that he was asking for a POKEMON battle. I was disappointed, but I did not deny it; any battle is a good battle. It would also allow me to see which pokemon I had actually picked. I threw the pokeball out (I was taught how to use them in case of emergency), and a Bulbasuar appeared on the battlefield. Wasn't a bad choice, I guess. Gary sent out a Charmander, which made my will to punch him again stengthen, but I stayed still and allowed my Bulbasuar to tackle the Charmander until the other civils decided I had won. Gary threw a fit about it but I didn't wait around to listen. I was too busy leaving, not paying any attention to the cloaked elder yelling something at me.

I went to the first Route, shifting through the taller grass. I was ready for anything. I had the Bulbasuar out by my side, wading through the grass cautiously, getting ready for what the universe decided to throw at HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT

A Ratata. First thing to show me about the challenges ahead and it's a Helixdamn Ratata.

I killed that useless puny animal and stuffed it into my sack for dinner. Shame he managed to get a couple good hits on the Bulbasuar beforehand...

I finally arrived in Viridian City and walked into the trading post. The conversation went as such:

Trader: Hey, are you the guy who Professor Oak sent?
Me: Yes, I am Ash.
Trader: Here's the package. You should get that to Oak as quickly as possible!
Me: I request curing agents.
Trader: You should get that to Oak as quickly as possible!
Me: I am willing to exchange currency for curing agents.
Trader: You should get that to Oak as quickly as possible!
Me: Obviously you were born with a hearing deficiency.
Trader: You should-

After exiting the store after giving my second broken nose of the day, I stared down at the parcel and decided that the man was actually right. After all, this 'Professor Oak' did give me a Pokemon for free. If I completed this task for him, he might give me something else.

---

RED's Pokelog
3/20/14
9:34 PM
Well, I was right. He gave me a 'Pokedex', which will record all Pokemon I battle and/or catch.

This machine is useless.

I mean, it gives me pictures of the Pokemon. What for? I already know what they look like, and if I don't then recording a picture the first time I meet it is useless because I met it and therefore figured out what it looked like. And I can listen to the cry, too. Why?! In case I get lonely and want to hear the soothing sounds of a pokemon? When I HAVE a pokemon RIGHT NEXT TO ME?

Civils, I swear to Helix, you have the most useless technological advancements.

Anyway, today's been an okay day I guess. Spent 3000 civil-paper on curing agents at the trading post where I broke the owner's nose (I turned my Ash's hat backwards and he didn't recognize me (I hate civils (seriously (civils are the worst)))) and the rest of it on Pokemon food, which Market is now chowing down on.

Oh yeah, I have a Bulbasuar. Named him Market after one of the Weapons of Legend. He's adorable.

Anyway, I gotta eat this Ratata before it gets cold and sleep in one of the trees.

I don't really know why I'm making this Log entry. Or why I'm using this stupid machine instead of an actual log.

Whatever, I guess. Anything to keep me sane in this civil world.

[JackMcDack]

"What is essential in war is victory, not prolonged operations." - Sun Tzu

Chapter 2: Bullshit Bunch

I awoke this morning, killed a Pidgey for breakfast, and set off. The first thing I did was walk to the West of Viridian City, which led me to 'Route 22'. I wanted to wade into the grass and see if it the route had anything good to offer me, but I decided against it; rather not kill my only companion this early. So instead of doing that, I walked back into the town and began moving North instead. This led me to an elder, and the conversation went as such:

Elder: Well, now, I've had my coffee, and that's what I need to get going!
Me: I am Ash.
Elder: Hm? What's that red box you have?
Me: It is a useless contraption that records information I already understand.
Elder: Ah, so you're working on your POKEDEX.
Me: I am not.
Elder: Then let me give you a word of advice.
Me: I require no assistance.
Elder: Whenever you catch a POKEMON, the POKEDEX automatically updates it's data.
Me: This information is completely worthless to me.
Elder: ...You don't know how to catch a POKEMON?
Me: I am completely aware of how to catch pokemon. I never once mentioned an inability to press a button and throw a ball. If anything, I should be the one to doubt your ability to do such a task, considering that you seem to be unable to comprehend anything I have said.
Elder: I suppose I had better show you then!

The Elder proceeded to take out a Weedle from... I'm not sure where, and show me exactly where the Pokeball compartment of my backpack was, before catching the Weedle. How he managed this at full health I'm not quite sure. I guess he's just lucky.

Elder: There! Now tell me, that was educational, was it not?
Me: I choose the latter option.
Elder: And here, take this too.

The elder handed me a miniature version of the big screened thingy that was in Ash's room. It had the label 'Teachy TV' on it. I put it in the biggest compartment of my bag, intent on smashing it later.

Elder: If there's something you don't understand, watch that.
Me: I do not understand how one human can be so inept. Will it explain that?
Elder: It will teach you the basics of becoming a POKEMON TRAINER.
Me: Why would I need to learn the basics if I have proven my ability to have a Pokemon in my possession and NOT hurt it in some way?
Elder: ...
Me: ...
Elder: ... Wanna see where I hid the Weedle?

I walked away after the ordeal. I'm completely convinced; every single civil is completely inept. If this is their 'wise elders', then the young ones must be much, MUCH worse.

---

RED's POKELOG
3/21/14
8:46 PM
If the start of this journey is any sign, this entire journey is going to suck. Majorly.

So no, none of the team has died. In fact, if you're going by lives I currently have, then I'm technically better off now than I was before; I have three pokemon in my team instead of one.

The PROBLEM comes in the fact that the two pokemon that tradition allows me to obtain have been the two crap ones.

Okay, so, Route 2. What does Route 2 have that I've been able to find? Ratatas (Which are useless  but delicious), and Pidgeys (Which are actually pretty useful, and also delicious). Obviously, since the next area I would be going would be the Viridian Forest, I would want to obtain a Pidgey.

Of course, tradition states that the first Pokemon you find on the Route is the Route's first impression on you, and thus it is the only Pokemon you may catch. I can understand the logic; first impressions are everything. Civils put a first impression on me of being stupid, violent, and ignorant, and two of those have been proven so far. So I was ready for Route 2 to throw me a PidgeYou know the twist already it gave me a fucking Ratata.

So Viridian Forest! What does IT have that I've found so far? Caterpies and Weedles. One of these evolves into a beautiful butterfly that was popular with the women of the tribe, the other evolves into a BADASS MOTHERFUCKING POISON/BUG POKEMON THAT HAS NEEDLES FOR HANDS. Obviously I want the latter.

You can guess which one I was thrown first.

So the team is now Market, the Bulbasuar, Pain Train, the Ratata (I named him that because the badass name on the useless pokemon is funny to me shut up), and Direct Hit, the Caterpie. Spent the day training them all up. You know, I'm happy that tradition doesn't state anything about using Antidotes in battle, because if they had outlawed that outside of battle Pain Train would be dead. Weedles suck when you're not using them.

We're all camping out in the Viridian Forest right now. I'm eating some cooked Weedle (I learned how to extract the poison as a child), Ratata's eating whatever I don't eat, Caterpie's munching on some leaves, and Bulbasuar's eating the rest of the Trader's food. I WANTED to eat a Caterpie, but that doesn't feel right with a Caterpie in the bunch (which I have now dubbed the Bullshit Bunch because the fact that I didn't get the good Pokemon is complete bullshit).

You know, the fire's reminding me of my tribe. We'd all huddle around the fire and sleep as a group. It was nice.

I miss them. But this is necessary.

---

RED's POKELOG
3/22/14
1:07 AM
I just spent the last half-hour throwing up.

I fucking hate Weedles.

[JackMcDack]

"He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot will be victorious." - Sun Tzu

Chapter 3: Conundrums & Compromising

RED's POKELOG
3/22/14
5:14 PM
Civils have it so Helixdamn easy when it comes to battle.

They have no sense of holiness on the battlefield, no sense of pride in their team, no sense of significance. They can heal whenever they feel, catch whatever they feel, use the same tactics over and over and over and not feel the shame that a Helixistic man would. I literally ran into a child who said "Hey, we both have Pokemon! Let's battle!" As if the fact that we had Pokemon was some sort of sign of necessity to battle. It has become something routine to them. They are blasphemers of the worst kind and deserved to be treated as such.

Despite this, I find myself in a situation where I must adopt a civil policy.

You see, my people believe that you can only use one tactic for so long. You can only Tackle, or use Leech Seed, or Growl, or do any sort of move for so long before you should never do that move again because it has used up it's usefulness. This was a tradition passed down since the founding of the tribe and it has been practiced to this day.

To THIS day, quite literally, because I am going to break that tradition.

I have tried. I have tried and tried and tried and fucking TRIED to get these Helixdamn pokemon to learn new methods of attacking but they just won't do it. Their level of understanding is not high enough for me to convince them that no really you CAN use those vines on your person and use those teeth and claws for something other than eating. They aren't learning fast enough, and when the tactic is done and even THEY cannot remember how to use it then I'm going to be in trouble.

Seriously, have you ever watched a Bulbasuar growl at a Weedle eight times while the Leech Seed on it's back slowly drains its energy? Because I have, and it's really fucking boring. Didn't even heal Market up all that well either so it was pretty useless too.

I've heard a couple Civils talk of something called 'Ether' which allows a Pokemon to use a move that they cannot remember from overuse, which sounds like something I would definitely need. I'm incredibly unhappy about my need of it, but it's either use it and risk bringing a miniscule amount of shame to my people, or don't and risk never finishing my quest for my people.

Anyway, had my first official Pokemon battle today. It went alright-ish, aside from the afformentioned boring-ass wait. My Pokemon aren't exactly appreciating the sacredness of the healing process, however. I caught Direct Hit trying to shuffle into the part of my sack that had the potions and tried to explain why I couldn't heal him yet. He didn't seem to react so I assume he understands.

Right now I'm near the exit, camping out. Ate another Weedle (And I got the poison out of it CORRECTLY this time), and managed to persuade the person I had battled to give me some of his Pokemon food.

Broken nose count: 3

I can see another kid just like him in the distance, staring straight forward. He hasn't moved for the past couple hours. I think he may be dead. Or he's just an idiot, which I'm not ruling out for anyone as of right now.

I'll wait. See if he does anything.

---

RED's POKELOG
3/22/14
7:18 PM
He hasn't moved an inch. It's honestly kind of creeping me out. My whole team decided to go to sleep early, and I might follow suit...

---

RED's POKELOG
3/22/14
10:47 PM
He still hasn't moved. I can't fall asleep with him right there. I'm afraid of what he might do to me.

Ah well, he's gonna have to pass out eventually.

---

RED's POKELOG
3/23/14
2:45 AM
HESS TILL TEHRE

IM AM FPILPING TE FUCK UOT

CNTA SLEEP

MUNSNT SLEPP

[JackMcDack]

"There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare." - Sun Tzu

Chapter 4: Downed Dispositions

I may have given myself an impossible task.

I finally passed out from exhaustion and ran straight for the exit, but I was stopped by the terrifying child. I quickly accepted a battle just so I wouldn't have to stay near him anymore. This proved to be a bad idea, however, as his Weedle managed to do a number on my team. I still won, however, and ran out of the forest. I entered Route 2, and quickly searched the grass for a Pidgey of some sort.

And I got another Ratata. His name is Reserve to reflect my disdain for him.

The Route wasn't long, however, and I was in Pewter City.

And it is here where I ponder my situation.

See, I have to fight this 'Leader of the Gym'. I can't just leave the city; some Civil won't let me go without battling the Leader of the Gym. If this man is truly the Leader, though, that means that his Pokemon are going to be especially well trained.

Something that my Pokemon are not.

I cannot train them. I have little money for healing items. They are all beaten, bruised, sore. They all have little usefulness with their fighting techniques left. I cannot trust a Civil to help them at the Pokecenter. They are all vastly unprepared.

But I must fight with them. There is no other way to continue.

Helix, guide me.

---

RED's POKELOG
3/23/14
10:56 PM

I am a failure.

The battle went exactly how I predicted it to go. My entire team is gone. I ran out of there without even retrieving the fallen.

I ran. I ran and ran and ran and ran and ran and when I finally could run no more I found myself in the middle of the woods, near the Town of Pallet. I didn't know what to do; I couldn't come back into Town, because I had no Pokemon; I couldn't go back and retrieve the Pokemon because they had all fallen; I couldn't go back to my tribe and bear the shame of having left them. I couldn't do anything here.

And so, I decided that the only other thing to do was to leave.

I managed to find a rather large fallen log that had been hollowed from decay. I spent the bulk of the day killing Ratata and Pidgey for food. When it was late enough for the civils to be in their shelters, I made haste towards the lake. Using the piece I stripped off the log so I could fit in as a paddle, I paddled my way outwards, maneuvering around a bunch of rocks. I paddled away from the island, never once looking back.

The ocean is cold and vast. I don't know what awaits me, but whatever the destination it shall be better than here.

I have failed Helix.

I have failed my people.

I have failed.